I passed my oral defense!

Better in retrospect than when it was happening, and I'm pretty sad that the recording I thought I'd made didn't get saved (nerves!), but I am very pleased with the outcome.

There is a lot more to say, but I'll say it later. I"m happier than I've been in a long time, and I feel completely liberated in a way I never anticipated. It's similar to the feeling of having the unacknowledged steel bands that were binding my brain, removed. (A very sweet professor told me that feeling lasts for about six days. I'm going to do the best to make the most of it.) I can see a difference in my thinking already - I've been theorizing about everything today! It's been kind of fun, but would be more fun if I knew I were going to be an academic, actually.

I also realized that I really do throw a lot of obstacles in my way. I think they're supposed to sabotage me, but I wind up succeeding almost in spite of myself. (or maybe it's just that I can't even do a good job at self-sabotage? I know - the day after my biggest professional triumph, and that's where I choose to go? Yeah. I went there.)

I got about 3 hours' sleep the night before, woke at 5am then tossed and turned for another hour & a half, didn't kick people out of my presentation room until about 15 minutes before the defense, had a major unanticipated technical difficulty (I had done a run through two nights before, but couldn't make powerpoint work the way it had previously) which resulted in me going to print out my notes slides about five minutes before the defense, so everybody was pretty much seated by the time I arrived back in the room.

I got questioned deeply for an hour. It is KILLING me that I don't have those questions (or my responses, frankly, because I don't really remember what I said) recorded so that I can explore them more later. They were little gifts, evidence that my committee members thought about how I could improve my intellectual work. They asked me to consider the ramifications as being more applicable to a broader range of audiences, and one mentioned that I had created a really important piece of knowledge that will probably be useful to later scholars who study online communities (!!!).

After some reflection, I realize that I consider a more lengthy questioning process in a defense to be a sign of respect. There weren't any really confrontational questions, no one was trying to shut me down or prop themselves up at my expense - rather, the time we spent in that part of the defense was evidence that my work engaged them enough to be curious about it and speculate about its (and my) future. Maybe all dissertation committees are like that. Maybe only mine was. I don't know, but I am tremendously grateful.

posted by: schoolsmelt at 22:23 | link | comments (3) |
dissertation, the good parts of life

Fox? Yoshick?

Damn, where'd you go? I will miss you (but would be happy to follow to wherever your new digs may be... in a non-creepy way, of course.) My email's at g0og1e, with this site's username before the at.

Be well.

posted by: schoolsmelt at 20:53 | link | comments (1) |