summer time

So, remember when you thought you had all the time in the world during the summer? The days, weeks, and months seemed to stretch in front of you in an ever-lengthening stream, like the doorway to escape in a horror-movie hallway - you can't ever really get much closer than where you are now, but that's ok in this case. Work in the summer feels like that, only it's the work part that keeps slinking away from me as time continues along, expanding some days but contracting most others, so that even though I've been saying "Yes, an October defense," and "Yeah, I know!"  I realize that the end of the timeline is the thing that's moving, only it's going in the wrong direction. Still, it's nice to see other people's eyes light up at the words, even though I don't think they're as true as they once were. They may well be so again.

The main problem is that the majority of my romantic visions of  "my last summer" are not manifesting as I'd planned. These involved waking early, writing outside or in a cafe full of dappled sunlight, reading and taking notes in comfortable chairs, spending lazy weekend afternoons or evening with friends, and taking twilight walks a deux in the still-warm evening, reflecting on the past day and planning for the next. Reality is far less picturesque, with many more encroachments than I anticipated, though five minutes' thought early on would've enabled me to foresee my present reality and plan for it a little better. The good news is that all of the things that have been taking me away from both diss work and my friendships are distractions that I know I am very fortunate and grateful to have, even as I resent them in the present. When I look at the whole rather than the parts, I am happier than when I do otherwise.

posted by: schoolsmelt at 20:03 | link | comments (3) |

Comments:

#1  24 July 2007 - 08:18

 

I like the fantasy. :)

NoChaser

#2  31 July 2007 - 02:40

 

I like the fantasy as well especially putting myself in it for those evening walks.... but I also like reading your words ...

When I look at the whole rather than the parts, I am happier than when I do otherwise.

because the whole is You, yes? and that is what matters all in all. though I would still like that walk...

120pages

#3  06 August 2007 - 18:26

 

That's a very balanced way of putting it. Sometimes I wish I lived in Juneau, Alaska, so that I'd have a good reason to not spend time with my friends and not feel that twist of resentment when they want to be squeezed into the magically tightening schedule. I hope you find your well-lit cafe.

Yoshick

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